I wake to darkness – before the sun caresses the lowlands with its gentle and virginal light -
Before the slumbering earth and air are interrupted by the brilliant colors of the dawn
Soon the sunrays will beam down –
boldly shortening the shadows that will soon surrender –
Welcoming the arrival of the almighty Ra
I wake to darkness – not long before the birds in the treetops outside of my bedroom window begin their morning birdsong –
Oh how sweet their birdsong!
It always begins with the hesitant chirping of a few early risers
– then soon –
A magnificent cacophony of high and low tones will fill the crisp air triumphantly
- the birds, they seem to have so much to say!
I wake to darkness because I am sober now
No drugs – no alcohol – no more urinating on public buildings …
I don’t know how to do this
and I’ve learned it is mentally exhausting having hope
____
I’m certain my apartment neighbors (on all sides) love hearing the sound of my blender at 4:30 am
Frozen fruit, 7 powdered (carefully measured) supplements, an apple, almond milk, cinnamon, and spinach –
My blender whirls and grinds and demolishes and pulverizes –
then it’s time for the first 14 of 28 (for the day) capsules of supplements –
Every drop I drink – every crumb I consume –
it’s perfectly planned and measured and scientifically proven to …
I decide to drink a zero-calorie Pepsi because I’m feeling rebellious this morning
(Watch out world as I throw caution to the wind!)
____
The gym at 6:00 am is a train-wreck of sounds
Former drug addicts and junkies use the lightest weights on the dumbbell rack
I watch my struggling arms in the floor-to-ceiling mirror
-as I celebrate being able to curl 30 lbs. [fucking 30 pounds!]
“Motherfuck Yeah”, I say aloud – like the other former drug addicts and junkies say aloud
[there aren’t really any other former drug addicts or junkies here –
I imagine them so I don’t feel so alone]
I drink my water out of my eco-friendly and highly recommended metal-lined water bottle –
It has a sippy hole at the top like a baby’s first cup –
So when they knock it the fuck over, the liquid doesn’t spill out
I don’t spill my water
____
“It’s Jimmy Broccoli – ladies and gentlemen!” – the loudspeaker announces obstreperously -
“Bodybuilding poet!”
… The audience is suddenly hushed and then applauds thunderously –
“Ladies & Gentlemen - he’s not on drugs – he’s not drinking alcohol – and he’s not urinating on the side of public buildings – it’s Jimmy Broccoli – model citizen and role-model!”
[thunderous applause begin again]
I take a bow and thank all of those who made this possible …
My dreams are a bit better nowadays,
as my sleep has become exceptional
I lay in my perfect bed (it’s one of the highest rated in the world)
And put my perfect down-alternative comforter (it’s lovely) over my appropriately exhausted body
I tape my mouth shut with designer tape
I then roll over and embrace my pillow while in my perfect bed
I have the entire bed to myself – so I have plenty of room!
____
“Hallelujah and rejoice!”
The birdsong is only minutes away (it really is quite beautiful)
The darkness is retreating – allowing the piercing light to shine upon the earth it is a bright new day –
Let us rejoice and be glad in it!
35 supplements and 3 liters of water
Two carefully planned meals with the exact number of calories allowed
… a blender whirling at 4:30 am
I leave my apartment with a smile big - triumphant and accomplished
(I am doing shit that’s good for me – I am winning!)
I playfully anticipate (it’s super fun!) the fantastic opportunities the day will bring me –
“I will curl 40 lbs. today!” (AMBITION and GOALS!),
I confidently and proudly tell myself – and I say it aloud
Protein powder, fiber powder, and 5 calorie diet fruit juice –
Perfectly measured and scientifically proven to …
____
The red curtain closes and covers the movie screen –
So others can no longer see what is going on –
So others can no longer see what is happening
The picture continues to play – it’s just out of view
the crowd has left their seats and have left the theatre
I open up a zero-calorie Pepsi and sip it because I am feeling rebellious
Then I exhale and give my constant perfectly erect posture a fucking break
____
Then, I am at the gym again (it is where I am every morning)
I am a bodybuilding poet (haven’t you heard?)
… and I’ve never felt so lonely.
this is a loneliness like I’ve not felt before.
I am so fucking lonely …
And – I think I might have just said these words out loud
(and I’m almost certain I just said them loudly)
To a room full of people who are not listening
Photo: Jimmy Broccoli with his Little Broccoli Buddy - very kindly sent to Jimmy by fellow poet and friend, Wendy Cartwright.
