My mother cleans when she’s sad
Our tables have no dust
The windows have no streaks
The carpet, step lightly, there must be no ware
Tears gently run down her face
For angelic bathtubs. No mildew. No stains
I scrub away my melancholy
And sweep away my loneliness, like dust bunnies
I’ve decided not to cry today
I’m a lot like my mother
But I’m lazy and messy and a disappointment
We – my family – we mostly keep to ourselves
My father reads the newspaper
My mother fumbles with the hobbies she despises
I wear headphones like skin
My sister drowned 3 years ago
She liked to ride her bike
Our backyard pool stole her breath
The bubbles floated to the surface
Until they didn’t
My mother doesn’t look away anymore
And we don’t talk about it
Through my open window I hear –
Someone speaking then someone else laughing
I remember smiling and thinking happy thoughts
Some friends thought my jokes were funny
I shut my bedroom window
Because that is the past
I do not laugh anymore
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